Numbered Days

I always hoped I'd be one of "those" girls.  The ones who were cute pregnant and loved being just that. The ones who adored every movement of their kid and all that comes with carrying an extra around for 9 months.  But when I got pregnant with Em, it didn't take long for the excitement to wear off and for a feeling of being taken over by an alien parasite to settle in.  I disliked every part of pregnancy and tried very hard to forget I was even growing another human being.  These attempts would always come to an end in some dramatic fashion such as when I'd open a door and nearly knock myself out because I'd slam it into my gut (true story) or I'd be in the middle of playing volleyball and remember, mid-dive, that I couldn't land properly and have to maneuver out of the predicament I'd gotten myself into (another true story).  I resented not being able to see my shoes, let alone tie them myself and worst of all, I loathed the American mandate to stay away from deli meat.

I wish I could say that throughout the pregnancies I've gained a more mature and deeper appreciation for this time, but in general, I haven't.  I'm still just as freaked out when my belly moves like something from a Sci-Fi show.  I still get irritated when the ground seems to be an eternity away as I try to navigate bending over with another living-being growing in my belly.  And, worst of all, I still get irritated when I can't order  a cup of normal coffee without my ribs getting pummeled for the caffeine treat.

I only had a few weeks to go with Em when a friend dragged me to the local photo studio insisting I'd one day be glad I'd captured on film "these precious moments."  I thought she was nuts and, for the most part, I'm still in a space that screams to have every memory of being as big as a house erased.  However, there was a moment after Cooper was born, when Em walked into the room and I had two children on the outside and I realized I should have taken the time to remember when it was just her.  And I was sad when I forgot with Harper as well.  Not so much to celebrate the wonderful miracle growing inside, but to celebrate the space my family was at just before the miracle arrived.  My kids are in a great space.  A few months ago, I couldn't have said that but I'm so delighted by where they're at.  Harper is gaining 10 new words each day, and it's just amazing when she pulls a new one out and I have to ask myself, "when did she learn that?"  The battles of the last few months with Cooper seem to be (slowly) fading.  He's not as whiny or willful.  I'm finally able to reason with him and best of all, independent thought processing is happening that is so sweet.  His train of thought doesn't always make sense to me, but he can now tell me what he was thinking and why he arrived at the conclusion he did. It's fabulous!  And Em seems to have grown into a proper girly-girl overnight.  She loves dresses and princess things, but her dress-up no longer looks like some Hallmark commercial of a toddler in her mother's wedding dress and is more like a girl trying on prom dresses.  I don't particularly like her girly tendencies, but it's her thing, so I'll keep my mouth shut., and as long as she's wanting to use her imagination for fantasy worlds, I'll let her have it.

So to celebrate what will surely be some of the last few days of us being a family of just five, Todd decided to get some pictures.  I opposed them as much now as I did in 2008, but I see the value in them much more now.  I begrudgingly agreed and we went to our favorite local nature reserve.  It was a great afternoon and I must admit, we had a lot of fun.

It's been a long while since Todd was able to do any real photography.  He's generally so busy and I hog the camera so much of the time... I don't like being on the other end of the lens, but I have to say, he did an amazing job!

Baby Girl has been really cuddly the last few weeks and her two favorite sports are on my back (which is great for helping even out the weight distribution at the moment) and sitting on top of my bump.

Harper has also finally figured out kisses... she no longer tries to kill you with her head and now knows how to gently give kisses, so she does it all.  the.  time.

I found my feet... but Em still had to get the shoes for me.  I'm telling you, the ground is just too far away sometimes!

Cooper, and all the kids really, are fascinated with the bump and love giving kisses.  Em gets a bit freaked out every time she gets kicked but the other two think its just fabulous.  The both tell me to "do it again" as if I can make their sibling move on command.

I don't enjoy this part... the part where people say things like, "So when are you going to POP?" (sorry, not a balloon folks)  or "Are you SURE its not twins???" (Trust me, I'd be one of the first to know that).  That said, I'm also not ready to be a mommy of four... at least not today.  Today, I'm going to keep enjoying my baby still being the baby, and my sweet little boy arguing with his big sister about whether they get a brother or a sister.  So I'm going to enjoy my days, even if they are numbered, with this crew of mine, just as it is.  I'm going to enjoy the fact that I can fit (barely) the folded laundry in stacks according to child on our coffee table.  I'll enjoy garlic and as much dairy as I want and I'll continue to enjoy having room in the grocery store cart/trolly for things besides just an infant carrier.