Battle of Wills

Very early on in my "mommyhood," I came to realize that I have a... what's the right word...spirited little girl on my hands. I'm pretty sure she wasn't even able to roll over before I was sitting on a friend's couch lamenting that I had a very strong suspicion that all my mother's prayers had come true: I had a daughter EXACTLY like me. Yeah.

This knowledge made most family members laugh, me sigh in exasperation and innocent bystanders shaking their heads. So I've done what every other parent of a strong-willed child does. I bought the entire section of books about strong-willed children from the bookstore (yes, there are many books on the topic), bought books about how to raise girls, have been asking every mother I know for advice and help, and praying like my life depends on it (for some days, I truly think it does!). The overriding theme from all these influences has been to pick the battles carefully and encourage spirited behavior when it's appropriate.

In general, Em cracks me up. She's generally compliant and sweet, loves attention and is a people-pleaser. But, she unfortunately got my stubborn streak and her father's quick-to-frustrate-when-he-can't-do-something-perfectly-on-the-first-try nature. Put those two things together with normal toddlerhood and she's had more than her fair share of frustrations. So on the whole, I let a lot of general preferences slide. If she wants to wear a sweater when the rest of South Africa is sweating to death, fine. If she doesn't want to play with her brother, she can chose to sit on a pillow. It's not going to phase me. Breakfast, on the other hand, is my line in the sand. I have a few and sending her to school where others are in charge of her well-being, I want her fed. She can refuse snacks, lunches, dinners, all the rest. But breakfast is important and we sit down as a family to have a good meal. I value both the time together and the nutritional aspects to this start of the day. I let her chose what she wants, but even when it's a food she's die-hard sold on one day, the next may be a different story. Today was one of those days.

Em loves my pumpkin muffins. I rarely make muffins because, well, I hate to clean the pan. So when I found a recipe for pumpkin waffles, I was really excited and when Em said she wanted waffles for breakfast, I was even more thrilled. Needless to say, Em decided she did NOT want waffles, did NOT cinnamon (which works 97% of the time) and did NOT want pumpkin. So she sat. And sat. And is still sitting at the breakfast table, which will very shortly become the lunch table. Cooper ate three (entire) pancakes. I had one and a half, Todd had one. Em is still working on 1/8th of one.

But I'm following advice and intuition. I'm not arguing or yelling, simply reminding her of what her brother and I are going to be doing (which she could join if she chooses to eat her breakfast) and moving on.

I guess when the rest of the world moves on without you, it's rather tiring because I looked up from folding laundry to find my little girl like this... at least her face wasn't planted in the food I suppose!!